Ananya Singhal
WELCOME TO MY BLOG
Hi There, I’m Ananya! Welcome to my blog page. I publish poetry, blogs as well as stories. Feel free to check out my post and comment and share!
Feautured Poetry
trapped in a friendless and lonely summer,
you were the only one who never left.
Some words leave you with bruises some cut you right to the bone
Attached itself
to the grainy sand
and jagged rocks
standing in your doorway
in your sock-clad feet
staring across the street.
but for now, I must bear the helpless nights without any sleep.
he knew he had a story to tell
And I could never be more glad for the girl who gave me my name.
The word Goodbye that I despise
Unstoppable is her middle name
You mean more to me then you can ever imagine
I gained more than I thought I would
That cruel summer
standing in your doorway
in your sock-clad feet
staring across the street.
I gained more than I thought I would
That cruel summer
WISHES
ANANYA SINGHAL
Some words leave you with bruises some cut you right to the bone,
you left me with nowhere to go
but
Just between us do you remember me too?
because I try to remember my old self too.
twelve, almost a teen
spears, madonna, and radio machine
made dragons and castles out of the clouds
that time life just felt so serene
Gave you every wish from the pluck of my eyelash to every birthday candle
on which I blew.
But you still never came home
and left me to grow up without you
thirteen, Levi's jeans
All bold and vibrant dreams
I was a naive girl who didn't know
she would grow up to forget hope and find comfort in screams
I sat by the phone every Friday afternoon,
canceled my plans in case you'd call
But you never did.
fourteen, student body president
and dancing queen,
I would do just anything to make you see me,
followed every rule and decree,
still wishing to stop being so invisible.
I worked myself to death
and pried open my heart for you
I told you on the phone with wide eyes
how much I learned and how I grew
I try to hide my disappointment
when you say you wouldn't be here today too
one more candle on the cake this year and I've stopped wishing for you at all
No matter how many four-leafed clovers I find
or how many pennies I toss
I finally know now that you were never mine
Fifteen, Austen, Hemingway,
and blasting queen
I wished for everything in my life to be meticulously planned
and NOTHING unforeseen
They say some words leave you with bruises
some cut you right to the bone,
You came back when I wanted you no more.
That day for the first in my life
I didn't wish for you to stand in front of me
and sing happy birthday.
I finally wished for myself to be happy
and that was when I broke the spell
eighteen, and I've decided I'm finally through
I apologize much less now and hardly cry
I've stopped looking up for a nod
to see if I was doing all right.
I no longer wish anymore or leave things to faith
I've snatched the reigns of my horse
and took control of my own parade
they say broken hearts make mad women
to hell with what they say
I am what I am with no one's input
or anything anyone has to say
Some words do leave you with bruises
and some cut you right to the bone
I don't regret growing up the way I did
because the pain taught me
and my dreams led me free
but
just between us,
I wonder sometimes with no thirst for an answer,
just between us did you ever love me too?
The pouring May
ANANYA SINGHAL
Your love draped itself around me,
like a cardigan on a harsh December day,
making the dusty rose cheeks warm again.
It made me feel ecstatic,
like I'd found a lost friend
The cold and windy nights of January
kept me tossing and turning in my bed,
but your angelic lullaby brought me peace,
with every word you said.
And in my dream world,
I followed wherever you led.
You sat next to me
and watched the sun go below the horizon.
With bursting colors flashing before our eyes,
the February cold and the February warmth,
accompanied us as we watched the vibrant skies.
But you stayed with me,
even after my tear-stained face dried.
March was sunny and bright,
with flowers coming abloom,
trapped in a friendless and lonely summer,
you were the only one who never left.
you spoke to me all night,
Made me feel like the most beautiful gem you possessed.
April was filled with the sun,
throwing its harsh glare at me,
I fell down in the most ungraceful way.
I cried as I lay there among the debris.
and when I felt my most frail,
You took my shaky hands and I felt at home again.
But your love left me lonely,
on that rainy may night,
Sitting on my porch,
getting drenched without a fight.
With the same December cardigan,
and the same January lullaby
haunting me in my head,
that February portrait,
the march love being put to the test,
and the same feeling of April home lost again,
And a wrinkled photograph of you and me,
pressed to my chest.
Bicycle Boy
ANANYA SINGHAL
you, standing in your doorway
in your sock-clad feet
staring across the street.
bicycle boy, I still remember the day
I first built up the courage to talk to you
when my mom pushed me towards your door
I whispered a weak little hello
you still grinned I remember that too
you turned the lazy blue sky to a violet hue.
from then on we were inseparable they say
hands attached,
with you, and every tear slipped away.
my natural serotonin,
a meeting every day that I would keep hope in.
those summer days
cotton-clad, chalk on the tennis court
the sound of fast wheels
i admit it I'm a spoilsport
you beat me every time we raced
but that's just because
your bicycle boy
confident and unfazed.
I had the time of my life
dancing in front of mirrors
summer after all never betrays
it's just that you do.
call me an overreactive child
to say you broke some part of me
when you went away
the sky, lazy blue turned violet hue,
was now a permanent grey.
how does a mere child handle a partner going away?
a cry? a fight? or a hurricane of emotions
swept into a box and shut away.
It's been years but I see it again.
you, standing in your doorway
in your sock-clad feet
staring across the street
only this time
there's no weak hello
and no bicycle days.
I left my soul at the sea
ANANYA SINGHAL
I left my soul,
back on the rocky shores
Of that ocean,
for it did not will itself to go.
Attached itself to the grainy sand
and jagged rocks,
With no reason to turn and go back home.
But I sit here in the city,
With a gaping hole in my heart and mind,
longing for that salt air breeze
and that cacophony of birds,
That silver water line and those rocky shores.
Most of all for that soul,
Stolen by the sea that I shall see no more.
a letter to my future
ANANYA SINGHAL
Dear Future Me,
Were you ever able to look at yourself in a mirror
and not see what you should be and
just smile?
Do you still write down each sentence
and wait for it to grow into poetry?
Or do you sit hidden behind the curtains
and scribble down everything you were
too afraid to say in your notebook?
I hope you don't nod your head no and smile
just to distract someone from yourself,
I know I shouldn't do it,
but I'm too tired to face the truth in me now,
so I'm going to leave it to you to learn to do that.
Do you smile looking at
the photographs I cry looking at now?
Do you still think the way I do?
are you even me anymore?
There are so many questions
I want to ask you,
but I know you can't write back now,
I'll have to get the answers myself somehow.
I know for a fact that you still love your family as I do,
and hopefully maybe even more.
are you proud of yourself?
did you do everything I wanted to?
I know it seems like
I'm weighing down your shoulders
but as consolation,
I promise to work hard now to make you
wherever you are
smile
it's the least I can do for my own kind.
yours truly
in the most sincere way.
Rent Free
ANANYA SINGHAL
She meets me every Tuesday,
at the coffee shop on the street edge.
she looks celestial like
the stars shine in her hair,
she looks delicate like the petals of the flowers beside my bed.
I go home grinning like a Cheshire cat,
for she was just as otherworldly as Alice too.
I cannot wipe the same
stupid look on my face,
for days it remains true.
She takes up my days
and every one of my nights,
she makes me happy I guess,
and that's why I'm so glad
to have her in my life,
to have a reason to smile.
I can't help but succumb to the spirit,
of someone that divine.
I see her again this Tuesday
like every week before,
but this time
as she's about to leave,
she looks back and says,
" Dream a little dream of me "
my heart ache's for she doesn't know
she lives in my dreams every day
rent free.
Tears Unshed
ANANYA SINGHAL
I wish for those tears to be unshed.
I wish that those fights we had
were never there.
I wish for that agonizing ache to go away from my heart and my head
and, that those obscene words
were never said.
Now I don't expect to see hope around,
as I am consumed by this dark dark cloud.
And even after all
that has been said and done,
it is still your voice that I miss
and the memories of your laughter that I reminisce.
You broke all the promises you made,
but you weren't alone.
It was then that I realized
that I was the one to blame.
I was the danger and,
you were the one running away from the cyclone.
It was then that I went back to our place.
With bittersweet memories,
I desperately pled.
With that heavy heart
and teary face,
I wish for those tears to be unshed.
Tears Unshed
ANANYA SINGHAL
I wish for those tears to be unshed.
I wish that those fights we had
were never there.
I wish for that agonizing ache to go away from my heart and my head
and, that those obscene words
were never said.
Now I don't expect to see hope around,
as I am consumed by this dark dark cloud.
And even after all
that has been said and done,
it is still your voice that I miss
and the memories of your laughter that I reminisce.
You broke all the promises you made,
but you weren't alone.
It was then that I realized
that I was the one to blame.
I was the danger and,
you were the one running away from the cyclone.
It was then that I went back to our place.
With bittersweet memories,
I desperately pled.
With that heavy heart
and teary face,
I wish for those tears to be unshed.
The unspoken pain
ANANYA SINGHAL
No one told me it hurt this much
No one warned me or told me to be aware
No one wrote any books or sung any song for this
For the moment when someone you knew inside and out,
stood in front of you
Tongue-tied and gaze averted
Fist clenched and heart guarded
It hurts a bit but then you tell yourself that you'll be okay
You start getting up and going through your life day by day
Just the moment you think it's alright now
you see the same person your heart missed
And you can't hold it in anymore
There in front of you was a person who you poured your heart too
The person who kept you awake crying at night
The person who hugged you to their chest and whispered
" You know I love you, right? "
But now they're just standing there
Maybe feeling the same your feeling too
Maybe just maybe
They feel they're eyes well up too
After all they never knew this pain before
They just said to themselves
" I'll survive, somehow I always do "
It's not about who's fault it is
Nor about what any of you did
It’s the loss of a friend that makes you realize
That time won't heal this wound
Nothing would
You only learn to live again
And love anew.
The loss of a friend or the loss of a life you knew
A loss is a loss and nothing is more true.
Growing Stronger
ANANYA SINGHAL
Its been two months since it all happened,
Since the storm consumed the sky,
since the day I looked to the face of good,
with tremoring hands and a scratchy throat,
screaming only one word,
"why?"
I feel the day I experienced loss,
was the day I stopped believing,
in something that millions of people devoted their lives too,
in something that thousands of women gave their time too,
in something that hundreds of families give their thanks too,
in something that I only wished to say goodbye too,
That thing was God.
My heartbroken but naive mind could only wonder,
why would someone who created
this world with such beauty,
rip apart people's lives,
and watch their tear-stained cheeks
and shaking hands with such cruelty.
it was months and months of trying to fix myself,
trying to not cry in public
to push the soul-wrenching nightmares away,
trying to control the hurt with little success,
but weeping about it anyway.
it drove me insane till I questioned,
" will I ever get better? "
my eyes widened as I realized,
I would have to do the last option,
on my list altogether.
so I bowed down to the carving of stone,
that I hadn't touched in months,
and prayed.
prayed with every fiber of my being,
prayed not for my mother, not for my father,
but every word that came out of my mouth was for me.
it's then when you truly lose something,
that you realize how much has changed,
that moment where I lay on the floor
with my hands clasped together,
I realized I wasn't crying for the woman I lost,
but for the grief that came to soon,
but for the innocence that that bid me adieu.
I thought I wasn't going to be all right again,
I wasn't going to be able to pick my broken self,
and push the pieces back together.
But I have come to know that,
strength is something you get acquainted with through pain,
and that truth for me is more golden than any treasure.
Falling apart
ANANYA SINGHAL
We rode through the midnight to the brighter sun
holding hands together as we looked ahead
but perhaps we looked too far
perhaps we felt the weight of regret
as we looked into the eyes of the devilish sun
we were consumed by the burning red
it was then when we craved
the dark blanket with sewn pearls
the night sky aglow with dreams
but all we could do was hold each other
as we were ripped apart by the seams
perhaps we were doomed to fail
but the pain wasn't any less
and as we didn't meet each other in the life after
we desperately cried in agony and begged with every emotion we possessed.
for we didn't know we were just built to fall apart
we didn't know our happiness was at each other's cost
after all, we were only a tragic ending to a beautiful tale
Love evermore
ANANYA SINGHAL
You have fought too much,
you have had too much pain,
and even though,
I hate myself for thinking so,
It's time for you to rest.
I can't think of you without letting myself weep,
but for now, I must bear the helpless nights without any sleep.
For I know one day I will get better
and that day I will look up to the sky with a smile
but waiting for that day is the most agonizing wait of my life.
Even when you're not here
you would bless my life and rid it of remorse.
For I know your love is Evermore.
only human
ANANYA SINGHAL
I'm only human,
even after everything I have been through.
I'm only human and despite all odds,
I try to say the truth.
I'm only human,
but I try to match unrealistic expectations set for me.
I work hard,
just to ridicule myself,
as though it's something I'm expected to do.
But when I sit in front of the mirror,
I bleed through its surface and see the real me,
not what I'm supposed to be.
Now I realize...
I'm only human,
but I'm beautiful,
through and through,
and I won't change myself,
to what is convenient for you.
The boy with the vivid dreams
ANANYA SINGHAL
IIn a sleepy town, in a house not quite in the
messy and loud Paltan,
but also not in the serene Mussoorie,
somewhere in between the balancing
cacophony and tranquility,
was where he lived
he was 7
when he knew he had a story to tell
even if it was through the lively
pumpkin-headed comics
or the childlike superhero tales
a child waiting to write his chapter
and reaching to touch his dreams
he was 18
when he went solo from home
ready for an adventure
to change his life for the better
college was the road for now perhaps
but still, the same decade-old dream
was in his
mind and heart
yearning to be achieved
he was 22
fresh out of college,
still the spirit of an energetic teen.
He didn't know the challenges he would face,
but that's what he was preparing for to this day.
so he moved head-on with more family and friends this time,
walking down the path laid by his
faith, determination, and after all
his ambitions and dreams
he was 23
now more experienced,
he held life's hand confidentially.
he'd learned a lot more,
and improved a lot too.
he had evolved and grown
from a hopeful starry-eyed child
to a mature but still hopeful man.
he was 27
when his solo dream changed for the better just like him
they worked to accommodate a new resident
a woman with fascinating dreams of her own was
here and she was here to stay
he was 30
when he was pacing in a hospital room
in October when his life took an expected
but sort of an unexpected twist
when he held a fragile life in his hands
bundled up breathing in the blood they shared
he was 35
when he was left spellbound once more
the family stretched its bubble to fit in one more
he saw the little fingers and the chubby cheeks
and shed his tears of happiness once again
he is 50
and driving his daughters to school and college everyday
he hopes for them to live the same adventure he has lived through
the adventure led by his dreams
that he grew up with
His dreams?
well just like his life so far
they changed.
they only become bigger and better
as he climbs
one step forward another dream achieved
perhaps his dreams had changed
they do that sometimes too!
but they're like the ropes that pull you through
even above the sky
Whether its burning yellow or rainy blue.
Despised Goodbyes
ANANYA SINGHAL
I can always run away, move or hide,
but you know it is the word Goodbye that I despise.
Even though your going away causes pain to my soul.
Even when my lips tremble, eyes water and mind becomes as dark as coal,
I know I have to let you go.
I always knew I had to let you go,
whether the present or the future.
You have to chase those clouds and let your dreams grow.
As much as I want you to stop and stay more,
I want you to run out an explore.
Open each and every door.
So, with a slowly sinking heart,
and a cheery disguise,
You look right through me,
and know it is the word Goodbye that I despise.
S H E
ANANYA SINGHAL
She chases her Independence as though it's a balloon,
She wins every argument as though it's a war,
She doesn't know what's ahead but she stands up tall.
She is something I cannot define.
I watch her every day with her curly locks behind her ears slipping out slow.
Her big beautiful eyes moving about.
She doesn't know how much I adore her,
Or how I love to see the curve of lips on her mouth.
She looks ethereal today
For today was the day she came to life
And I could never be more glad for the girl who gave me my name.
And strives to be my light.
She isn't just my friend,
She is much more,
A sister,
A teacher
And a huge part of me after all.
A helpless cry
ANANYA SINGHAL
Eyes snapped open in the middle of the night,
my body tensed up and I curled my fists, tight.
My eyes started closing again and let out a soft sigh
until I heard the call of a helpless cry.
My palm made contact with the cold glass window.
The cries died down and time became slow.
I turned away from the spot, slowly walking away.
For I did not know there were teary eyes watching me drift away.
So I woke up later again,
my eyes feeling heavy.
But, not more than than the guilt
that was driving me insane.
I rolled on the cold hard floor,
trying desperately to convince myself that it was a lie.
That I never heard the deafening call of the heartbroken helpless cry.
The real me
ANANYA SINGHAL
You have no right to tell who I am.
No right to dictate what I do,
And even when you tell me not to
I will prove your words untrue.
You could never want the real me.
You have no value for what I truly am.
No respect for what I have achieved.
You push down who I really am,
and try to keep my concealed.
You couldn't care less for the real me.
You can't tell me who to be.
I'm me and that's something you couldn't see.
you try to change me and break me,
but I will stand for who I am, I guarantee.
You couldn't replace the real me.
You couldn't even think of stopping me.
Couldn't even try to restrain me,
I am myself and I am free.
I am Might and I am Beauty.
You could never stop me from being the REAL me.
Cruel Summer
ANANYA SINGHAL
It stars with the pretense of dreams
A child living in her nights
And never really realizing she's only fourteen.
But in reality, she's living a dream
Dry chapped lips and summer ice cream
Bicycle rides and energetic teens
Could this possibly get any better? She asks
She says until the pages of her life book are ripped apart the seams.
Now however She asks
Could this possibly get even worse?
A loss of a friend too?
Seems like this summer is just a curse
She felt she was flying until she realized
She was falling and then embraced herself for the bone crush.
To mend her broken bones and heart
She carries herself to the sea
And sits on the jagged rocks and weeps
Though I claimed myself
Lost at sea
I gained more than I thought I would
That cruel summer
That ended at the beach
So I'll just stay here
For I have so much to do
I think I'll take it a bit slow
So much to write
And so much to grow
After all
I'm still a flower in bloom
Living in a cruel summer without you
I think I'll stay here forever
I think when you come back you'll find
Nothing new
A year later
ANANYA SINGHAL
We've departed for a year now.
I still can't believe that's true.
The day when a blissful girl
Tied up her hair and met the eyes of grief.
It's been a long journey now.
I've been tired,
Wept to many times to care,
Cut too many strands of my once long hair.
And yet i still haven't made peace,
With a world without you.
However I've gained,
So much in this past year than I have in the last decade I've lived so far.
Strength, weakness, tolerance and patience.
Finally, I've been able to put aside the lies and identify what's true.
So for anyone who was as Helpless as me,
Or searching and searching for an answer, the truth
The real truth is,
Your scars will fade,
Your tears will dry,
The broken glass on the floor
will be swept aside,
And you'll finally see the daylight,
So just remember You'll be alright.
Unstoppable
ANANYA SINGHAL
Blood glossed upon her face,
angry eyes with a deep fire.
Holding a lethal weapon with grace,
fighting for rights people deny her.
Personifying determination,
Winning every game,
Defining confident
Unstoppable is her middle name.
Pushed by people who considered her inferior,
she stands up strong.
Breaking each and every barrier.
Showing those that did her wrong.
She didn't know what would happen to her
she couldn't tell the future like a seer
but one thing she did know was that
she would face her destiny without any fear.
you may have cornered her
you may have thought of her defeated
but she will remain untouched
in the world of those unbeaten
She is every single woman that fought for herself
Every female that made being her original self her aim
She is a woman and
Unstoppable is her middle name
My catcher in the rye
ANANYA SINGHAL
I looked up to the sky one day and asked whoever was there
"Why would you give me a person so perfect that I am grateful for each and every day?"
A voice from not above, But rather within me said,
"Why shouldn't you be grateful for someone so perfect in every way?"
You mean more to me then you can ever imagine,
The sight of your face and the elegant grace of your smile.
Reminds me every day that I am so fortunate to have in my life someone so divine
I wouldn't say you're the person that picks me up when I lay collapsed on the ground.
Your the person that catches me even before I fall
Holds my shoulders, tilts my chin, and makes me stand up tall.
The kind of person that makes me look at every silver lining in every single cloud.
Don't ever doubt that I love you
You are surrounded by warmth all around.
Because when the toughest times come
Your family will always keep you from falling to the ground.
Blogs
A BOOK REVIEW
I’ve tried writing a thousand letters I wish you could read, so here’s one more.
BBC ADAPTATION
VS
2005 MOVIE
The Razor's Edge
BOOK REVIEW
I felt that no words could describe what I felt about this book but, here I am writing a book review that tells you exactly what I think about this book.
Being a highly acclaimed book, I was overjoyed when I began reading it ( aside from the fact that I was desperate to read a book since I had not read anything for the past few months). This book is subtle but also eventful. The characters are portrayed beautifully. Each character is shown as they grow and mature and how their thoughts and opinions change, how they understand the society around them, and how they handle their own relationships. This book takes the reader through many sharp turns and slow roads but it will always, always leave you satisfied. Maybe you might even keep on thinking about it for weeks later on (trust me, you will).
This book tells us the story of Larry Darrell, an American pilot traumatized by his experiences in World War I, who sets off in search of some transcendent meaning in his life. This book also describes the personalities of different people through the portrayal of the characters in this novel.
For example, the character of Isabel Bradley, a beautiful and lovable girl who was formerly engaged to Larry. Isabel finds social acceptance important much like her uncle(Elliot Templeton)and is not ashamed of the fact that she wants to live an eventful life filled with parties and social gatherings.
Another example would be, the character of Larry Darrell, the main protagonist, who is a young, quiet but noteworthy man who doesn't want to do what most people expect men his age to do. He doesn't want to marry young and have children, he wants to loaf around, travel to new places and find the answers to unanswered questions.
These lines of the book tell the reader about the ending of the stories of the characters, is given below.
"But as I was finishing this book, uneasily conscious that I must leave my reader in the air and seeing no way to avoid it, I looked back with my mind's eye on my long narrative to see if there was any way in which I could devise a more satisfactory ending; and to my intense surprise, it dawned upon me that without in the least intending to I had written nothing more or less than a success story. For all the persons with whom I have been concerned got what they wanted: Elliot social eminence, Isabel an assured position backed by a substantial fortune in an active and cultured community, Gray a steady and lucrative job, with an office to go from nine till six every day; Suzanne Rouvier security; Sophie death; and Larry happiness."
This book leaves you satisfied, wandering, surprised and with a heavy heart with the end of the story of the characters.
The author truly has written a success story.
I fear that words have failed to describe how much I adore this novel. The Razor's Edge is an epitome of literature, and I recommend it to whoever has fallen in love with the world of books.
Paradise Lost and rebuilt
An unsent letter
Dear Nani,
I’ve tried writing a thousand letters I wish you could read, so here’s one more.
Do you remember, how every year in the few weeks of summer between April and May, I came to visit you? I used to sit with my head on your lap while you stroked my hair and look around the house and somehow manage to summarize everything, I felt in one word.
PARADISE
I knew ever since I heard this word at school that your house was the definition of it.
I remember dancing with joy on the way to the house constantly asking Mumma, when we would arrive so that I can finally embrace the sweet scent of rose and saffron.
But summer has never seemed this lonely before.
I used to walk down the road past the huge yellow and black gates, with a smiling Sun on top of it, to come face to face to our energized dog pouncing on my leg, overjoyed to lick me, sniff my clothes, and wag his tail vigorously.
But today he just walked past me rubbing himself against my leg trying to get some warmth in the cold atmosphere around. I grabbed his leash and started walking him down the same path as I have done, so many times, year after year…. But despite my desperate attempts at trying to achieve some normalcy, I fail.
I saw the garden pots, behind which I used to lead my younger brothers as their captain where we played together for hours. but now , once vibrant flowers wilt into their faded pots for they feel lost , just like me. They perhaps were also waiting for you to come and smile at them, just like me.
The kitchen which was always filled with a cacophony of laughter and instructions being tossed about, with most out-worldly Mithai being cooked by you for me, lies wasted today, unused and silent, as though it is begging for spring to arrive. I feel scares to even take a step towards it.
I remember every turn in the narrow roads of the small neighbourhood market, where I used to be very excited, with thrill of going out shopping with you. But today I walked the same twisted roads with every next step becoming heavier and heavier till I could not walk anymore.
People in the market were shouting, haggling and it was full of action but all I could feel was the deathly silence inside me. I was sure now, that I have lost my safe sanctuary. I overheard someone saying that nothing about this place has changed, yet for me everything has.
At least the sun always climbed in through the bedroom windows like it did every morning before, but instead of meeting a grumpy and sleepy face, reluctant to get up, today it just greeted my sleep-deprived, tired eyes that had spent the night without a break. These days all I crave is to hear your voice say “Good morning, meri Gudiya !” with your infectious laugh.
The Myna bird on the Peepal tree in the garden, sings every day like I remember it singing before, but I can’t help but feel how the once beautiful song I was inspired by, now sounds like a cry for someone missing right now. You. Even the bird is ready to realize that nothing can bring you back, something I haven’t been able to grasp.
I regret so much; I regret not screaming and crying to Mumma so that we could stay for just a few more days. I should have grasped harder onto your hands. For I didn’t know Paradise would change forever.
I regret breaking the promise I made to myself the most, going into your room, full of our memories together. With herculean effort, I twisted the cold handle of your bedroom door today, The air in the room doesn’t smell like you , rose and saffron, anymore, but the freshly painted room smells like chemicals.
It's not a bad smell it’s just unfamiliar and…... empty. I turned to leave but I saw the spot you used to sit on and tell me stories about absurd characters and brave princesses with little girls that saved the world. The same chair stood empty and unoccupied, but my eyes saw flashes of you and me there today.
I think of what all has changed today, but one thing I’m sure of is that, without you this house isn’t paradise anymore.
The memory of the night that broke me plays in a loop in my head, constantly. It was raining that night. The moment I heard that you were no more, I fell to the ground next to the shattered pieces of glass which resembled my heart. I couldn’t feel my bones anymore, I couldn’t hear my heart. Of course, why would I? It lay cracked and with its pieces scattered. I felt powerless.
I remember nothing of the days that passed after, no recollections of the hands that wiped my tears or the arms that were wrapped around my shoulder. Nothing but the rain that continued to fall. Perhaps I saw myself as the little droplet that fell to the ground with nowhere to go but down.
I saw the rain again today, that’s how I was reminded of that night. It continued to fall relentlessly like every time. But the sun that came after just shone even brighter and stronger than the rain. Perhaps I never saw the sun after getting drowned in the cold downfall before because for the first time I looked at the sun and saw myself wanting the be like that, more like you, stronger.
I can feel my bones again now.
I can feel my heart pull its pieces into place.
I don’t feel powerless anymore.
Now I believe that perhaps healing is just looking at something broken with a want to fix it.
When I look at this broken paradise, I see a shrine of memories and today I make a promise that I intend to keep.
A promise to build up the walls stronger, paint them with my memories of you and clear the dark clouds hovering over it to finally let the sun heal my Paradise.
Forever and always yours,
Your Gudiya
Pride & Prejudice
BBC ADAPTATION VS 2004 MOVIE
- The Casting
I found the casting of the '95 BBC adaptation to be more apt for the characters. The cast of the miniseries quite successfully pulled off the witty and savage words, especially Jennifer Ehle(Lizzie Bennet) and Colin Firth(Fitzwilliam Darcy). While the movie might have gotten the dialogues said and acted word for word, the BBC adaptation tends to take the viewers into a different world.
The role of Mrs. Bennet, the high-pitched and constantly nagging mother was played by Alison Steadman wonderfully in comparison to Brenda Blethyn who played Mrs. Bennet in the movie. The BBC adaptation's Benjamin Whitrow portrays the witty Mr. Bennet with a wicked sense of humor as though it might seem he's not actually acting, whereas the Movie miserably fails to give the character of Mr.Bennet the praise he deserves.
When it comes to Elizabeth Bennet it only gets harder. Comparing Jennifer Ehle's fiery and haughty Lizzie and Keira Knightley's empowered and liberated Lizzie. I have come to understand that Ehle's acting is far superior to Knightley's (not that i hate Keira Knightley, I just think she should stick to playing Elizabeth Swann). Knightley seems to be awfully shy in front of darcy which really is the opposite of the character she is supposed to portray. Her acting skills simply did not match up to the ones required for depicting the character of Elizabeth.
Ehle's Elizabeth is a fierce girl who is ready to stand up to social expectations, she does not hesitate to defend her family, no matter how they act. I feel Ehle's Smile conveys sentiments words cannot and that sardonically witty arched brow gives more definition to the character.
However, when it comes to Fitzwilliam Darcy there seems to be no competition. The blank and Expressionless acting of Matthew Macfadyen almost insults the character itself. Colin Firth being the universally loved Darcy had won my respect and love the moment he appeared on the screen.
*stops for a minute to fangirl*
Firth Portrayed both the cold, gruff and stern side of Darcy, as well as the loving and the 'would do anything in the world to make Lizzie happy' side of Darcy with ease, as though he really was the character. I cannot stress enough how Colin Firth is hands down the best, the absolute and obvious winner to this almost non-existent competition as to who is the superior Darcy.
- Proclamation Of Love
As much as I don't want to sound like another one of those people who hate the movie, I have to say that Darcy's proclamation of Love for Elizabeth in the BBC adaptation was far better than the one in the movie. Is it just me or does anyone else hate the fact that people think they can make a scene better by adding rain to it. It seems really cliche, in all honesty. I mean, isn't it enough that her emotions are in such a mess that you need to add rain to it?
*internally rolls eyes
Unlike the film, the miniseries shows clearly how both Darcy and Elizabeth feel during that scene as you can see all these complex thoughts in their actions and faces. Colin Firth is seen to be restless. One moment he is pacing and the other he turns towards her and then all of a sudden he turns his back on her. This conveys that he is conflicted because of his feelings. His character is confused as his heart tells him that he loves her but his pride doesn't let him see past the social inequality. Elizabeth however is unmoving except for the occasional twitch of the eye and the gritting of teeth which indicates that she is controlling her rage.
The film scene has quite successfully reduced this epic romance scene to the ground.
- Pemberley and Important scenes after that
The Pemberley shown both in the Movie and the Miniseries was almost similar. With the same fantastic architecture and serene freshwater lake in front of it. However, the scenes following the introduction to Pemberley in the movie were not to my liking. The Miniseries quite victoriously portrayed my favorite scene from the movie, that is 'The Walk that changed Perception'. It is one of the key scenes in this novel which helps make it one of the most loved romances in the history of literature.
The scene comes after Darcy arrives at Pemberley a day early and meets Elizabeth there who was visiting with the Gardeners. After an awkward exchange between them Darcy goes inside the house and Lizzie rushes to leave pemberley Expressing that she was too embarrassed. Just as the Gardeners and Lizzie were about to leave, Darcy arrives again (Properly dressed this time) and persuades them to take a walk with him across the grounds. Lizzie as well as her Aunt and Uncle are surprised by his behaviour. Though they hadn't met him till now Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner wee told about his reputation to act cold and rude. As Mr. Darcy joins them for a walk, Darcy and Elizabeth make conversation and Darcy seems to be remarkably polite. Lizzie assures Darcy that she came only because she thought that he was away. Darcy tells her that he has just arrived to prepare his home for a group of guests that includes the Bingleys and his own sister, Georgiana. He asks Elizabeth if she would like to meet Georgiana, and Elizabeth replies that she would.
This scene is predominant as it shows Lizzie's feelings and opinions towards Darcy undertaking a drastic change, though we could observe her feeling changing a bit when the truth about Mr. Wickham was revealed.
- End scene
Okay! with me so far?
*lets out deep breath
Let's compare the last scenes.
In the movie the end scene starts with Knightley just randomly get up at an early hour and walking out in the garden. Did the moviemakers plan to cut out all the key scenes out of the movie?
What happened to the beautiful scene in where Darcy and Elizabeth take a walk again in Longbourne?
Besides does no one else find the fact that Darcy in the movie is randomly walking near her house at such an odd time in the morning creepy?
Also It seems as though the Macfayden has learned the dialouges, is saying the dialouges but does not gives the right expression, and what was that with saying
" I love...love... Love you"
everyone can say 'I love you' without stuttering unlike you, Matthew Macfayden
Honestly It doesn't make a dialouge better by repeating some words!
Don't get me started on knightley saying "Your hands are cold " after Darcy expresses his love for her.
The scene in longbourne where Lizzie and Darcy take a walk togeteher again not only confirms us about Darcy and Lizzie's affection for each other but also we see similarities to 'the walk that changed Perception'. Aside from the fact that they are walking beside each other, in the first walk Lizzie was developing feelings for Darcy but later on she was confirming her feelings for him.
The mini series ends with a double wedding (Now, you would have to be some sort of monster not to like this ending!). We catch a glimpse of everyone including Lizzie, Jane, Bingley and darcy ofcourse, as well as Kitty, Lydia, Mr. and Mrs. Bennet, Georgiana, Miss Bingley(not looking very pleased), Mr. and Mrs.Collins and Mr. and Mrs. Gardener. The ending gives off a positive feeling. Everyone who loves them is present with them.
This Sir and Madam's is my faithful narrative of all my dealings with both the Miniseries and the movie
